Last time, you set up some big goals (well done!).  This time, we’re going to break down the process to achieving those goals by focusing on your life roles.  You know, life roles, all the parts you play in life.  You’ll need your calendars for this step, so go grab those.  

No problem, we can wait.

Ok, ready?  Here we go!

Get out your calendars - work, personal, family, community (i.e., volunteer, school, etc.). While you’re looking at your calendars, do two things. Right. Now. Set up a recurring monthly 1-hour block to do this exercise monthly. Set up a 15-minute weekly block to check in on and refine the plan you’re going to make. Blocking the time on your calendar will solidify your commitment to the plan and help you hold yourself accountable.

Did you create those two recurring meetings in your calendar yet?

Uh huh, just checking.

Got your calendars in front of you? Take a look at your commitments for the next month. Think about the roles you will take on between now and then. Consider the roles you play already in your personal, professional and community life. Go back and look at your happiness map and think about what might have been missing from that map that could provide some additional meaning (and happiness) to your life.  Start with the list we’ve provided, but we don’t know you and there’s probably some roles that are specific to you (we’re all special snowflakes, aren’t we?). We’re talking to you, hand puppet aficionado. Use the extra spaces to list those out. Don’t judge your list, just get it all out there.

Listing them ALL is going to feel a bit overwhelming and also weirdly good. Many of these roles happen on auto-pilot and are absolutely necessary; the point here is to begin to see if there are roles that are important to you, but just don’t get the love you want them to. 

After listing your roles, you’ll decide what you want and don’t want to focus on. It will be easier to do that if you have a complete list. These roles can be high level; we’ll detail them out in a minute. For example, parent includes many micro roles such as meal planner, chauffeur, role model ,etc. Don’t get caught up on this.

These aren’t limited to how you serve other people, but also how you serve yourself. If you’re passionate about biking and the weather is about to get good, make sure you add that to the list!

Look back at the previous exercise and make sure the roles that can help you achieve your big goals are on here too and that you think through each category of roles. Now check the boxes of roles that are applicable to you.

Next step:  Decision Time!

One year we decided to make a list of all of our pod goals and also our individual personal and community goals. We detailed out tasks according to different buckets - work, health, friends, family, and financial. In fact, we printed it out and put it somewhere we would see it each day. One morning four months later we reviewed our lists as we did each day and suddenly realized how stressed we both were looking at it. There were almost 50 items and only 2 completed.

There were so many things that went wrong: it was printed and framed, not something easy to adjust. There were WAY too many items - it created a paralysis with quantity and some of the items were just too meaty, they needed to be broken down into smaller more achievable tasks. We weren't saying no to anything across pod or our individual lives. We were trying to do and be everything! That morning we put the lists away and decided to walk away from goal setting for a while until we arrived at this format that has proven to be highly successful (and fun rather than stressful).

Now that you have identified a few areas of meaning, thought about larger goals and identified what roles you have in life, we need to narrow it down to a manageable few each month. The purpose of this next section (and honestly each month going forward) is to keep it simple, achievable and focused. There's no 'should' shaming happening; I 'should' have done x, I 'should' have went to y. If you start to 'should' yourself, it's a good sign that something isn't quite right. You have permission to change, even if that is on day 2.

What keeps you busy: five to focus

Ok, here’s the thing. You can’t be all the things. There are roles above that aren’t very important and others that are. It’s just as powerful and satisfying to say what you are not focusing on (sorry Margo, there’s no capacity this month for a new friend and sorry Todd, our friendship is too toxic).

This doesn’t mean you won’t play some of the other roles (ie, significant other, parent). You are identifying the ones that require more intentionality this month. Keep in mind that you are only

planning for the next month and you can shift as your schedule shifts so don’t feel too bad about leaving off some of these roles right now.

For example, before you settle on the top 5, consider your:

1. Big goals and what roles can help you achieve these goals, and the peaks and troughs on your happiness map,

2. Calendar and what you have already committed. If you’ve got 4 house guests coming over the next month, maybe “host” makes the top 5 list this time around

Circle 5 to focus in the next four weeks (we know it’s hard, but there’s only so much of you to go around) and X out 5 that you’ll say no to.

Next, put each of your roles in the left column (graphic below); have at least one role for each category and a maximum of 5 total. Nice work. Now, let's figure out the type of role you want it to be. For example, you are a friend. There are many types of friends – supportive, committed, fun, best, possessive, passive aggressive…you get the point. Let’s say you would like to keep in better touch with some of your closest friends (Pat, Casey and Alex, where’ve you been?), so you would qualify your focus for the next 3 months as being a reliable, proactive friend. Here’s another example. For host, maybe it’s a fun, organized host. Or maybe it’s an average host because after looking at your calendar you realized that you have a ton going on and that’s what you can give.

Here’s an example:

Here’s a list of descriptors as ideas, feel free to make up your own and jot down whatever feels right.

That last one had you, didn’t it?

Put in 1-3 roles below for each section with no more than 5 total roles to focus on this month.

You are SOOOO close to the end! Next time, we’re going to create some action items (and learn about cool tricks like microtasking) to make a plan!